Saturday, June 05, 2010

on being pregnant

well, most people in my life know that I am pregnant,
but maybe the people who read this blog (there must be some of you left!) don't all know yet.


I am actually half way there. But the thing is this:
sometimes I am afraid that something will go wrong.

Last summer in June, my husband and I found out that we were pregnant,
we did an excited (and partially surprised) happy dance.
We told many of our close friends right away and around 9 weeks we told pretty much everyone and our families.

I had seen my family doctor early on, but because of a genetic blood clotting disorder I have, we were referred to a high risk doctor. When I was able to get in there at 10 weeks, we found out some sad news. It turned out that the little developing egg never really developed. It turned out in the end to be a molar pregnancy, something despite being a nurse, I had never heard of before.
A molar pregnancy is when the cells for some reason come together and divide properly. In fact, it basically is like a tumor and can end up being cancerous. So I had to have a chest x-ray and everything to make sure it didn't spread. You can imagine the shock of going in for an ultrasound to see your baby and instead discovering you may have cancer. A little unsettling to say the least.

After this news, I had to have blood work to make sure all my hCG levels (or baby hormones if you will) were coming done, if they went up that can be a sign that the cells have spread. Because of this, we also had to wait 6 months before trying to get pregnant again. The good news was that if you wait the 6 months, and your hCG has come way down, it is very rare to have it happen again.

So, 6 months later, we started trying again, and bingo, first time's a charm!

My lovely lovely lovely OB/GYN Dr. Cargill booked us in right away at 6 weeks for an ultrasound.

That ultrasound was nothing more than a dot, the teeniest dot. But that little dot... it had a heartbeat.
We decided to tell our friends and family right away, it was amazing to have their support the first time through, and a missions trip I was supposed to go on but didn't because I was advised against it, pretty much gave away that something was up.

We've had probably 4 ultrasounds already, though the last one was around 12 weeks, and I have heard the heartbeat 3 times since then, but I still get this dreading feeling right before I have my next appointment. I find that doing things that make this pregnancy seem more real help, like registering for baby items, and telling my work, and even writing this post (probably part of the delay in writing it has to do with a little fear).

But here is the thing. My God is a big God. He sees me, and Thom and he knows our hearts. I trust Him and love Him no matter what.

I believe this baby will come, he or she will come healthy and will be loved loved loved.
By us, our family and all our friends.

Monday we have our ultrasound to find out if baby is a he or a she.
I will be putting a little picture up here after that.


14 comments:

Anonymous said...

Kate,

After what you went through last year it's natural to be a little afraid...but, like you said, our God is a big God and he LOVES you, like we do! This baby will be born healthy and on time! I'm so glad you have a great doctor like Dr. Cargill...she delivered Keegan you know...who will take the most excellent care of you all!! We are so very happy for you and Thomas, and can't wait to meet your little bundle!!

Shannon xx

Anonymous said...

Kate,
I know we aren't that close, but I wish we were. I know I dont say this that often but I really truly mean it.. I love you, I love you, I love you!!! This little angel is going to be a truly blessed and loved baby who will have amazing parents. Hope we can chat soon, I'm always here if you need me!!
Love, your cous, Lindsay

Anonymous said...

Kate and Thom,

We pray health and blessing over your little babe. You two will be fantastic parents.

Love Cat & Nat

Southern Gal said...

Congratulations to you. So exciting. Even though the fear is there, you are right. God is bigger than the fear and loves you more than you can comprehend. Here from Emily's.

Melissa said...

so excited for you all. trust and believe. can't wait to see the pic!

Melissa said...

Dear Kate,
I am so excited for your good news. And the worries for your baby are one of the first motherly things you experience. They never go away, but the rewards, like holding your baby and seeing him or her smile for the first time and hug you with little arms, those multiply and multiply.
Love,
Melissa

Gwen Toliver said...

Children are such a blessing - truly a gift from the Lord. We have 7 beautiful children and the excitement doesn't wear off :) - we thoroughly enjoy each one. That said, I know they're in God's hands - how I would love to control more things, but I can't. God gives us peace and grace for each moment and situation - and as the mother of a child who's had lots of hospital visits, I mean every word of that. It's really a beautiful thing to rest in Him - to not let our worries overcome us and to live by faith. "For God has not given us a spirit of fear, but of power and of love and of a sound mind." II Tim. 1:7 -- May God continue to bless your dear growing family!

Wandering On Purpose said...

Came by through chatting at the sky. Congrats on your pregnancy. I lost my first baby at 9 weeks - he/she had stopped developing at 6 wks. Praying that you continue to experience joy and peace in this journey!

Jennifer said...

Sorry to hear what you had to go through last year... but so happy to hear of you new blessing on the way now! Praying for a wonderful, healthy baby for you and your husband! :)

Stopping by from Chatting at the Sky!

The Noisy Plume: said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
The Noisy Plume: said...

Oh lady.
Oh lady.
Love you so much!
Keeping you on the edge of my heart and mind.
xx

(pardon that deleto.....had a typo....)

suzannah @ so much shouting/laughter said...

congratulations and happy blessing on a safe second half. exciting:)

emily wierenga said...

oh kate, i don`t know you but i understand. we lost our first baby too. i actually wrote about this in my last blog... now, we have a beautiful son, 7 months old... but i know, that fear-swallowing, that timid trusting... soon, you will be holding your baby. and all will be well.

Miss G said...

congratulations to you! I came over from Emily's. I had a very straightforward pregnancy but I still had a fear many times before an appt. that I would find out something was wrong. I would think, "what if . . .?" over and over. Finally one night God impressed on my heart "what if everything is absolutely perfect tomorrow?" And you know what, I now have a healthy happy baby boy. May God's richest blessings follow you and your family! Kelly