Monday, August 15, 2005

a new day

it's funny (well wonderful really) how God just knows how we are doing. And he just steps in with exactly what we need. i have been having a few weeks of hyper loneliness, you know the kind where you are in a room of people and you feel so alone it hurts, and you would way rather be by yourself because that kind of alone is not so lonely? ya, that is the one i have been having. anyway, i have been upset and angry and thomas has been getting the brunt end of that almost every other day for the past 2 weeks (thom = the most patient boy in the history of patient boys).
i have been not wanting to go to school, to move somewhere else.... i don't know what else. the first thing that God spoke to me was through thom (well maybe the first thing i finally listened to), that if i really was supposed to move, it would not be in a time of feeling like i hated where i was living. i think that we are not supposed to feel like we want to leave a place, but more like we are going somewhere else. Doesn't it make sense that if we leave a place when we are supposed to that it will be peaceful and that we will have some sadness about it, while having excitement about the new? like when i moved to ottawa.
the second thing that God did was on sunday morning while meeting with the church. todd was speaking on things that are going to be taking place in ottawa in the next few months and how we need to be prepared and rested. and all these tears kept leaking right out of my eyes. the kind that you could never stop. but by the end of the meeting the Holy Spirit had spoken right to me and my heart. it's time to take action, i can't just sit and be sad and expect things to change. i need to do something! but what we really learned was that we need to be doing it all while resting in Jesus. if i don't spend time with him, then i will start doing things in my own strength and that, my friends, is a set up for failure, for burnout and frustration. hence the situation i have been feeling that i am in.
but!! that doesn't mean that these feelings can disappear right away (though they very much could) but that i need to make sure that i am making that difference. that i am spending time every day praying, reading the word, listening to God, and also just spending fellowship with him throughout everything i do in my day. i'm going to be a better student, friend, daughter, sister, girlfriend, employee because of it!! HURRAH!!
all i know is that it is a little cloudy out today, but it looks brighter than any day from this entire month.
praise Jesus!

oh man, i am out.


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